Well, after much anticipation for the big event, Lily Sayuri Tsukioka was finally born on April 1 at 7:40 pm. That afternoon I started having contractions around 1:30, and they were powerful enough to wake me up from my nap, so I knew something different was going on. Koichi and I stayed pretty calm and collected throughout most of the labor. Koichi got last minute things packed up while I paced back and forth in the apartment trying to remember my Lamaze breathing techniques.
When we got to the hospital I was taken to an observation room where the nurse on duty checked out my contractions and the baby's hearbeat using monitors strapped to my bulging belly. The nurse said I was the calmest new mother she had ever seen. Kudos to me! It didn't last long though. Not long later the nurse saw that the baby's hearbeat had dropped dramatically and she called in a bunch of other nurses and the Dr. to come take a look at me. The Dr. broke my "bag of waters" (the sack of amniotic fluid), which had been cushioning me from the full brunt of the contractions, and I lost it. Obviously something was wrong with the baby, I couldn't see Koichi anymore because he had been pushed out of the way by a nurse putting an IV in my arm, and I was in heckovalotta pain now. It wasn't long before I was begging for an epidural. But I got something even better... a spinal block.
When the Dr. broke my water, she noticed that the fluid was green which meant that the baby had pooed inside, and there was a possibility that she would aspirate the meconium (meaning she would breathe in the poo) which is not only gross, but very dangerous for the baby. So, she told me it would be necessary to do an emergency c-section, which I was all for by this time ("Get this thing out of me now and stop me from hurting!" was what I was thinking).
Well, after being wheeled to the surgical room for cesarian deliveries, the anesthesiologist made me sit up on a narrow metal bed, bend over, flex my back like a cat, and try to not move... all while still having very painful contractions. I think I said some not very nice words to him, I can't remember. What I do remember is that by the time I was laying back on the metal bed, I could no longer feel my toes, legs, belly, and most of my chest. Nor could I feel the pain. The anethesiologist became my best friend after that.
It wasn't long before the Dr. got down to business, Koichi was let into the room and sat down by my head and we waited for the long-anticipated sound of our baby's voice. At precisely 7:40 pm Mountain Time, we heard Lily make her first yelp this side of the womb. Evidently, not that I could see anything, she was covered in meconium and was whisked off to a corner by some nurses to be cleaned up. Koichi was allowed to go over there and watch the messy event. A few minutes later the head nurse brought Lily over to me and explained that she was having trouble breathing because she had aspirated meconium and it was in her lungs and stomach, but not to worry because it was not unusual for this to happen.
After being stapled together, spending some time shivering in the recovery room (a side effect of the spinal block I was told), I finally found myself in my post-pardum room around midnight. It wasn't much later when the head nurse from the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) and a baby specialist came to talk to me and Koichi. They said that Lily was not doing as well as they would like, and had breathed in a lot of meconium and was a very sick little girl. There was a possibility that she would need to be transferred to another hospital in town that had a more powerful respirator and a special kind of gas called Nitric Oxide that would help Lily breathe better. At that time they were still waiting and watching, but a few hours later they were back and said it was imperitive that Lily be transferred to the other hospital's NICU. Since I had only briefly seen my daughter before she was taken away after her delivery, I asked if I could go down to the NICU and see her before she was transferred. Someone brought a wheelchair, and it wasn't easy or pretty watching me get into it, but into I got, and headed out to meet my daughter.
Lily was on a respirator and was very, very ill. The nurse who was watching over her said she was having difficulty with any stimulus, so the lightes were all turned down, everyone spoke in hushed tones, and no one was touching her. It broke my heart. The baby specialist doctor came to talke to me and Koichi about Lily's transfer and asked if we had any questions. There was one question that was buring on my heart, but I couldn't bear to say it out loud...instead, I asked, "What is the recovery rate for babies in this condition?" I was relieved to hear her say that 90% of babies with meconium aspiration have full recoveries, but it was still scary to see my daughter hooked up to a bunch of machines.
An ambulance team from the other hospital arrived and brought in a special guerney with a ventilator attached to it to transport Lily. When they got her all ready to be lifted onto the guerney, they allowed me to hold her for about a minute before she had to go. I couldn't believe this was all happening. I was in a kind of shock about it all....it certainly was not the experience I had been looking forward to when I thought about giving birth and holding my daughter for the first time.
Monday morning I met another OB from my Dr.'s office and he said that because of the special circumstances with Lily being at the other hospital, if I was up to it I would be allowed a *pass* to leave the hospital I was at and go visit Lily. I had to be able to get into a wheel chair, walk a few steps, and pee on my own...those were the conditions. I had a lot of work to do, so I called in my nurse and after she removed the catheder I made my first attempt to use the restroom. I was determined to make my bladder do its job. It had other things in mind however, and try as hard as I could, it would not release an ever-growing need to pee. I tried so hard in fact, that I started getting dizzy and lightheaded and had to call in for the nurse to help me back to bed. It took 4 nurses though because I was ready to pass out. My nurse was not pleased with me and after that I was not allowed to get out of bed without a nurse beside me. A few hours later the need to *go* was even more pressing so I thought I surely would be able to produce something. Alas, nothing... A few hours later and I was in actual pain from an over-full bladder. I was given the choice to try the restroom again or have the catheder put back in, I chose the latter and was never so relieved (quite literally!) as then. Even though I wasn't able to pass the pee on my own test, I was still allowed to go visit Lily, which I was very grateful to do.
Koichi drove us over to the other hospital and though I was quite doped up on percoset, I was so excited to see my little girl. I burst into tears though when I finally saw her hooked up to huge machines. She was also drugged, knocked out so she wouldn't feel any pain from the meconium or the ventilator. It would be another 5 days before Koichi and I would see her look at us for the first time. We were blessed that day to have a very compassionate and thoughtful nurse who took a great deal of time to tell us everything she could about Lily and her condition. She was very encouraging and just what I needed to get through that day.
The next day I was released from the hospital, less than 48 hours after having major abdominal surgery so that I could visit Lily at will. That week went by in a blur as I worked on healing, walking, visiting Lily, and learning to use a breast pump. Koichi did a lot to take care of me, and I spent a lot of time resting and trying to get better. We saw small improvements in Lily, but nothing major until Saturday, 7 days after she had been born. Lily finally opened her eyes for us and looked at me and her daddy for about 15 minutes. We could not believe it! After days and days of fear and crying, it was so encouraging to see her eyes, even though she was still connected to all those machines.
The next day, Easter (or Pascha as we call it in my church), we saw a miracle!
When we came to the NICU Lily was no longer on the big huge ventilator or the Nitrous Oxide. She was well enough to be put on a smaller ventilator, and even better...I could finally hold her! She woke up and I held her for an hour. It was the sweetest feeling. Lily's eyes were open and we just stared at each other. Father Anthony, the priest from my church came by to pray over her and give her an 8th day of life blessing, and it was all so very cool.
Lily continued to improve the 2nd week as well, and we marked such milestones as coming off her medications one-by-one, coming off the ventilator for good and breathing on her own, and being fed milk through a feeding tube. I was allowed to hold her everyday now, and even made Koichi sit down and hold her even though it was scary for him with her still attached to a lot of tubes and wires.
The second week turned into a 3rd as she continued her recovery, and Lily kept getting better and better. We worked on bottle feedings as well as attempting to nurse, changing her diapers and clothes, and just getting to know her better. Finally, exactly 3 weeks after she was born, she was able to come home. Though she is still on oxygen and has one medication given to her in a breathing treatment, she is a completely different baby than when I first held her in my arms. She cries, cooes, smiles, makes the goofiest faces, and does it all as a healthy baby now.
She's 4 weeks old today, and though we've only had her home for a week, it's been one of the best weeks of our lives. I'm looking forward to the day when she won't need the oxygen anymore, but I hope to never forget how sick she was...I don't ever want to take her for granted.
A couple weeks ago Lily's Uncle Dwain and Aunt Jennifer came to visit her. We all had a great time playing with Lily and taking her out on the town. Here are some pics...
